Jocelyn's Birthday Advice

So it started out as a joke a few years ago that I would write some stupid and completely useless advice to Jocelyn for her birthday. I think it started at the house when after a bsaketball game and I couldn't fall asleep, so I stayed up till 12:30 writing 10 dumb things down on her Facebook wall. Just as kicks and giggles, I did it again last year while at the prepschool. Both of them turned out pretty funny and I am left to continue the tradition tonight. I'll admit, I am kind of at a loss for some new good ones, but with some of Austins help I'm sure we can get a few more. That being said, this is an early shout out to my Lil Sis and a Happy Birthday! just because I prolly wont have time tomorrow to write it up here. Here is a look of the past two years. Still make me kinda chuckle. lol

(16th Bday)

I have waited this extra day after your birthday to invite you into the fraternity of being 16 .... bad part is... you get kicked out next year. anyways... seeing as I am the older more smarter brother, I will give you advice that i never got when I was 16. these are things I still carry with me through life today. I now give them to you. enjoy..........

‎

1. always check for toilet paper before sitting down.. that is the biggest one.

2. don't bother checking the expiration dates... a few days or a few years- its all the same.

3. home work is less important then facebook. always get your 3 hours min in first.

4. mountain dew tastes the best at 43 degrees. anything lower and you get a brain freeze.

5. if you aint cheating, you aint try'n

6. dont eat the yellow snow.. as tempting as it may be.

7. the grass is always greener on the other side...unless the other side is also suffering from the same drought you are.

8. captain crunch is proven to cut the top of your mouth no matter how you eat it.

9. never take candy from a stranger unless they are giving out king size... then take it.

10. free is always good, unless its a free ride at a truck stop at 3 in the morning..

hope these wonderful words of wisdom stay with you for the rest of your life... hehe

love from, -al

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

(17th Bday)

So yes, it is your bday today. And i know you have been waiting for this moment since last year. . . yes, this is where i engulf you in the vast knowledge I have gained over my veteran years. This wont be as prolific as last year because, quite frankly, your only 17. Nothing big really happens at 17. Sorry to burst that lil bubble of yours but it’s the sad truth. Unless you go to Mexico, then I'm sure you can a lot of fun things… but legally… nothing. On that cheery note, just realize this; there are only 26,280 more hours till you turn 21. That is almost the same amount of time we spent in WWII… Any ways. Here are your top 10 rules for your big 1-7

1. If you see a fork in the road, don’t run it over…simple enough, right?
2. When the cats are away, the mice are a play… but to keep them from having fun, use laser triggered C4.
3. Barking dogs seldom bite, and also make great target practice
4. There’s no smoke without a fire, unless you are getting your teeth drilled at the dentists
5. All good things must come to an end, unless your pie, in which case its delicious and repeats on for eternity.
6. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, although I’ve heard that they are more intimidated by a shot gun then someone throwing an apple.
7. Where there’s a will there’s a way, except when trying to dribble a football.
8. A penny saved is a penny earned… but someone who saves theirs pennies has no friends.
9. The saying “you bit off more than you can chew” should be taken as a challenge.
10. And finally, realize that there is no right side of the bed to get out of. The only way it can be avoided is to stay in bed for as long as needed

The Daily Chuckler

I'm starting new blog, trying to update it every monday, and want to make it as funny as possible. Of course my definition of funny might be totally diferent from yours, but its worth a shot. I really don't have a certain topic to make fun of or joke around with, so forgive me if I just jump around from ideas.




So if any one else is like me, all you know about a car is where the gas goes, what the steering wheel is for, and which peddel you use to speed up. Other then that, its as good as my math book. Useless. So the other day when I had to bring it in to the garage, you better beleive I was sweating bullets. The technician comes out and ask me whats wrong with it and I have to quick make somthing up so I don't look like an idiot. Of course this guy knows it and he just stares at me while I use big, two-syllble words that probibly have nothing to do with a car, motor, or anything that even belongs in a garage. He stops me half way through my charade and tells me to at least describe the problem. He has me in his devious plan now and he knows it. I start to make sounds that I think are pretty close to this problem I'm experiencing. Of course, they all stop and watch this spectacle I am putting on and start flashing cards at me with different numbers on it rating my performance. I finally gave them a check that will keep me from going to college, and left not knowing if they really had done a thing or not. But as long as my steering wheel was in front of me, the tank could still take gas, and the peddle made me go faster- I was content.